Miyazaki Reviews: Howl's Moving Castle

Alright, so you should know the run-down for the last review and stuff, but here's one for a movie I was considerably excited to re-visit. I watched this a loong time ago so I didn't remember ANYTHING and I think I might have thought it as a different movie at some point. It may still be I dunno! Also in related Miyazaki news, the first ever videogame made by Studio Ghibli is being brought to the US!....on PS3. CURSE MY LACK OF MODERN CONSOLES. WHY COULDN'T THEY BRING THE DS VERSION OVER HERE TOO >:( But anyway for all you PS3 owners, you can check dat out yo. But anyway, HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE:

 Howl's Moving Castle starts out in a regular steam-punky town with Ms. Protagonist. Ms. Protagonist is stuck with a big hat shop and doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, because she thinks she isn't pretty. Because prettiness always gets you far in life girls. She randomly goes down the street to visit her sister, when she stumbles across our Local Town Love Interest, the Dark Knight himself. So he's stalking her for no apparent reason and telling her to run in an opposite direction. They proceed to be chased by dark blobby....things, and he ends up prancing about flying them to her destination at the Bakery. He dissapears all MYSTERIOUS BADASS style, leaving her to wonder what the hell just happened. Later that night, the Witch of the West Waste comes by and dons onto her a curse making her 90 years old. Obviously she doesn't even TRY to tell anyone about this, and sneaks off to find the Witch of the Waste herself. She ends up meeting an enchanted scarecrow who helps her out find a place to stay, in the famous Howl's Moving Castle. She tries to get into the behemoth of a contraption and ends up meeting Mike Wazowski Calcifer, the fire demon. They cut a deal that if he helps her repeal her curse, she'd help him release him from Howl. OH THE SUSPENSE.

Anyway, the next morning she meets random young child that apparently Howl has been keeping as an "apprentice"(>_>). He then dawns a magical awesome beard and pretends to be an actual wizard's helper, telling a bunch of king's courtesan guys that he got the message about that all wizards must go to meet with him. Apparently Mr. Jim Hawkins be pretending to be 3 different wizards all at the same time for the lulz. Then Mr. Rufus comes home from the fourth side of the door, and is like, "who the hell is this bitch." With which Calcifer states how she is now the new cleaning bitch. She then becomes the new cleaning bitch for the castle. Batman realizes that he has to be in 3 places at once, so he decides to send Granny Jenkins instead.....for some reason. She goes off, finding a dog she believes to be Howl, and meets the Witch of the Waste, struggling to get up the stairs. She offers to help the bitch if she changes her back, which the Witch says she doesn't know how. They manage to get up and go their separate ways.

Madame LeBitch

When Granny Smith gets to the Queen for her chat, she is revealed, and proven that the dog is actually not really Howl. Then the Witch is come back completely destroyed where she is her "real age," ugly, senile and barely alive Later the king comes....twice, proving one was Howl and he then saves Granny's behind, and they proceed to escape with hagly ole Witch of the Waste and the doggy...for some reason. They return to the Castle and become one big happy family. Howl comes back and redecorates the place into twice the house it was to fit everyone, and to find new living abodes for everyone to hide.

Queen Bitchenstien

Granny Sophie's mother comes by and somehow recognizes her 19 going on 90 daughter. This turns out to be a trap though as later they are ambushed by Queen Wizard Suliman Gym Leader Thing... and the whole town is carpet bombed. They end up trying to escape and rescue Batman, but take out Calcifer from the castle....for some reason....rendering the castle to collapse into itself without its controller...for some reason as well. Notice a pattern here folks?
Anyway, They try to get back ON the house they just destroyed, leaving litterally just Howl's Moving Floor and nothing else, to go off and save Howl. But then out of nowhere the Witch remembers "oh yeah, I'm greedy." and tries to take Calcifer(and thus Howl's heart) for herself. then to get off and save him, Sophie pours a bucket of water on Calcifer......for some reason.....thus killing not just Calcifer but also Howl himself, since he kinda needs a heart. Sophie and the dog then go off back in time....for some reason....and warns past Howl of the dangers of eating celestial balls of gas falling from the sky....after he does so. Back in the present, Howl survives for some reason to that the others find him for some reason, Calcifer is free for some reason as Sophie gives Howl his heart back for some reason, and Sophie reverts completely back to normal age again for some reason. BUT WAIT. WHAT ABOUT THE SCARECROW!? Turns out, he was all along the lost prince that started this whole war. And that all he needed to become real life was love's true kiss....FOR SOME REASON.....its Sophie. Even though Sophie ends up being like "thats nice, I'mma go with Howl" and the Prince is like "thats nice, I'mma go with my thousands of dollars worth of riches seeing as I'm royalty.....bitch."

And thus our movie ends. Trust me it sounds less "for some reason" than I make it out to be, but for comedic effect and to wrap this damn review up, here ya go. Also by the way Sophie was changing back and forth from young to old throughout the movie....FOR SOME REASO--*shot*
Also as far as what I thought of the movie? it was good. too lazy to think of much else. MYEH.

Next Time, a much MUCH more in-depth review, Porco Rosso...FINALLY.